Tuesday, April 22, 2008


This may come as a surprise to some of my faithful readers, but I have not always been a 90+ year old cantankerous man with a prolific, almost wizard-like beard. Quite the contrary, I was once young and virile, though I'll admit those days seem no closer to me now than the unspeakable lost treasures of the Carolingian Empire.

Jesus Christ, that was earnestly stupid.

Here's a more direct approach to this post: I used to attend a university, during which time I lived with a positively prolific human being who went by the name of Big Rog (pronounced "Rodge", not "Rawg"). A beast of a man, standing at least 20 hands tall, he ruled the University of Colorado with an iron fist... an iron fist that usually had a beer in it. Also, one time he voluntarily bathed himself with a garden hose:


Please note that Big Rog has become quite the respectable human being in the years since our graduation, so I've masked his identity with an image of TV's Peter Falk. I'd insert a Columbo joke here, but I don't know any... beyond that, I sincerely doubt that any exist that are worth telling. Murder She Wrote jokes are one thing, but Columbo is a whole different story.

Anyway, Big Rog had an odd sense of humor when we were in school... it sort of teetered somewhere between abstract brilliance and certifiable mental retardation, though I was one of the few who enjoyed both sides of the spectrum. Regardless, one of his favorite jokes went like this:

"Takin' dumps."

That's it. That's the whole joke. Set up and punch line all rolled into one - Takin' dumps. Comedic perfection.

Here's an example of how it was utilized:

"Hey Rog, what're you doing this afternoon?"


"That's interesting, why would you do something like that?"

"Hey... here's my answer to that question: Take. A. Dump."

You get the idea. Anyway, I found this 3 dimensional framed quasi-buddhist piece of flotsam at Hobby Lobby shortly after I graduated from school, so I decided to make it into an homage to the most notable of all my collegiate roommates. After painting a new image over the throne the Asian king was sitting upon and carving some carefully scripted characters into the surrounding frame, my Homage To Rog was complete:

Takin Dumps

God bless America.

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