REPURPOSING: HOW TO TURN DISCARDED GLASSWARE INTO A BIRD BROTHEL

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First things first: I heisted the inspiration for this item from this book. It just so happens that I felt the authors of that book didn't take their repurposing idea far enough, so I did. Eat me, published peoples.

Second things second: If you make sure your glue (magnate of toxicity) doesn't spill over when you press your glassware into place, this would also be a dynamite design for a snack serving dish of some sort. You could have caviar in the top glass, truffles in the middle, and ranch flavored Corn Nuts on the bottom. The Corn Nuts will need the most space, as they will undoubtedly be the highest in demand from your monocle toting guests.

Moving on...

Necessary Materials:

1. One martini glass, margarita glass, or wide-bodied wine glass
   
2. One smaller, thinner glass to stack on top of the first
3. One (preferably lightweight) bowl/plate hybrid, deep enough to hold a decent reservoir of water
   
4. Glass glue

TOTAL COST: If you pick up your glassware at a thrift store and already have some Goop glue or other glass glue, this should only cost you less than $3 or $4.
TIME TO COMPLETE: Less than 5 minutes, excluding glassware shopping.

Introduction:
Outside of select hoity-toity antique shops, wine glasses are one of those things that people just don't buy used. They're also one of those things that people continue to upgrade as they grow wealthier, like televisions and prosthetic limbs. This being the case, there's a hearty backlog of wine glasses lying around every thrift store in America, and they're just begging to be put to some good use.

What you'll end up making here is a bird feeder and bird bath in one, which I'll call a Bird Brothel as I believe any nearby lark buntings that catch sight of this object will immediately start fornicating like crazy with excitement. It's that sexy.

Instructions:
History will likely prove this entry to be the shortest instructions section of my undoubtedly long and illustrious career. Check it: So you've got some wine glasses and a bowl/plate hybrid thingy, right?



Right. So before you start gluing, you should probably do a dry run and stack the large wine glass on top of the bowl/plate hybrid, and the small wine glass inside of the large wine glass, just to get an idea of what your finished product is going to look like. If you would like to ensure a more permanent hold from your eventual gluing, you should also scuff up the areas on your glassware that are going to be glued with some sandpaper (always a good rule of thumb when you're working with enamel-based glues on glass or plastic: Before you huff, scuff your stuff).

Once you've got your general layout figured out, just take your glue and... are you ready for this... glue the big glass to the bowl/plate thing, and then glue base of the little glass inside the cup of the big glass. Allow to dry. That's it. Done. To ensure a lasting hold, I plopped down a wad of epoxy putty between the big glass and the bowl/plate-mabobber, then ran some Goop glue around the rim to keep water from interloping on my heavy duty adhesive, but you can do this gluing step however you want. I support free will in the world of crafting crap (crapting).

Once your glue is well set, just fill your glasses with bird seed and your bowl/plate object with water (or fill all three with bird seed, I honestly don't give a shit), and you're good to go. Your finished product should look something like this, though it probably won't benefit from such favorable lighting:



See that giant puddle on my porch? Yeah, that's where I completely douched myself trying to carry around this damn thing when it was full of water. It was well worth it though, because you can TOTALLY tell that the bowl/plate thing is full of water in the picture. Uf. Also, it should be obvious to most that I didn't fill the top two levels with bird seed, as I realized shortly before taking this photograph that I don't currently own bird seed. Those are lentils. I bought a bag of them from an organic grocer a while back, but they taste like crap, so I never eat them. At last, they have found a purpose in my home, albeit a temporary one.

I'm thinking this contraption would work best as a centerpiece-ish kind of thing on an outdoor patio table (I enjoy the idea of people being harassed by magpies while trying to eat their morning cantaloupe), though I'm trying to figure out a way to hang it. I bought a glass/ceramic drill bit in the hopes that I could bore a hole through the bowl/plate and run wire through it, but the plate just exploded when I tried to do that (fortunately the Salvation Army had another identical one available). I was thinking of just wrapping some wire around the bottom of the large wine glass and hanging it from that, but I really don't trust the ability of that glass' stem to support the weight of a bowl of water without snapping. I assure you it's quite the conundrum, I haven't slept in weeks.

Oh well, I'm sure I'll figure out something. And even if I don't, this thing's made out of glass, so I always have the option of smashing it in the street in a fit of frustration-fueled rage if I have to.

Tune in next time when I'll show you how to curb childhood obesity with a cinder block.