Friday, February 15, 2008

HOBBY LOBBY, THOU ART MY SAVIOR

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There are a lot of folks out there who like to bash on Hobby Lobby for the ludicrous middle ground that they've tried to establish between Christianity and crafting supplies (when you run ads like this and sell products like this a little flack from the public is inevitable), but despite my secular nature I positively love the place.

Oh what a smörgåsbord (umlaut = superb) of delights my friendly neighborhood Hobby Lobby is. Not only do they sell all of the art supplies I could possibly need for notably lower prices than their competitors, but they also sell TONS of almost entirely worthless crap. Plastic statues of pigs, mirrors framed with wooden fish, miniature wheelbarrows that serve no discernible purpose, and that's just the tip of the iceberg... basically, if you want something atrocious to put in your yard, Hobby Lobby is the only store you need to visit.

Angel Hobby Lobby
What sort of God would allow me to exist?

Well, a long while back I was rummaging through their expansive collection of plaster molded cherubs and prayer inscriptions, in the hopes that I would find something fun to screw with (their whole section of over the top Christian regalia was marked down by 80% or so, a common occurrence at most Hobby Lobby branches). I found a nice statue of a manageable size and took him home with me to the tune of $2.86 American, then laid into him with some enamel paints later that night. The results speak for themselves.

Angel painted

So I guess the first question that comes to mind for most people after seeing this is, "does the artist own a gun?" The answer to that question is "no, and he's not an artist, dickweed". The second question is usually, "what's it supposed to mean?"

Well, to me at least, the message of this particular piece should be pretty obvious, but I guess I'm the only one that sees it that way. Basically, the message I was trying to convey here is that angels aren't angels at all, but rather they're flying clowns who at some point in time had their arms ripped off by something (probably a robot) and for whatever reason their blood has yet to coagulate. Also, their blood is made out of hamburgers, which is why dogs are always trying to eat them. Hopefully this will be the last time I'll have to explain this.

With that, I say good day to you sir. Good day indeed.

3 comments:

Angela said...

I went to McDonalds, and they ran out of these cool McChess pieces. Please make more.

Shawn said...

Maybe they mark this stuff down in your home town, but here in North Texas, it's a different story. I am in Hobby Lobby all the time, and i have never seen one of these things marked down. And the most amazing thing to me is that THEY SELL, ALL THE TIME. Yes, the Christians in North Texas like their tacky cherubs.

Father Rhyme said...

Interesting information, Shawn... I guess there are just too many heathens in Denver to keep Christian crap outlets afloat without resorting to price slashing tactics.

Right on Denver, right on.

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