Saturday, November 13, 2010

THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY!!!!

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Two Rubbish posts in two days? My friends, we have not witnessed such efficiency on this blog since the twilight years of the second Bush administration. Clearly, something magical is at play here, though I'll leave you to decide what that "something" truly is.

Here's a hint, though: It's the 45th entry on the Periodic Table of Elements, and it rhymes with "Brodium."

Yeah, you think about that.

Anyway, I made a pilgrimage today to my favorite thrift store in the greater-metropolitan area, as all of the thrift stores in the immediate-metropolitan area have been serving me up hot plates of bupkis, diddly, and jack hickity squat for treasures over the past few weeks, and I'd grown tired of striking out swinging in my inexorable search for more wonderful clutter for my living space.

So what makes this particular thrift store so wonderful? I'll let the pictures do the talking.

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The drive to this particular thrift store is one of my favorite vehicular exercises in Denver, as the surrounding area seems to have boom-ded and busted-ed very quickly at some point in the early 1960's. Nothing's been redeveloped or refinished, it's all just standing there almost exactly like it was 50some years ago, but with a few choice modifications. Take the picture above, for example. I can only assume that this building was originally some sort of diner, or perhaps a tea kettle store - really, anything where a giant tea-kettle-shaped sign would be at least somewhat relevant.

Whatever it was, it went out of business long ago, and has since been replaced by a "bible and book store" called The Word. A bible and book store called The Word, that is, with a very large, utterly random tea-kettle-shaped sign. Magnificent!

Unfortunately, over that 50 year period of time, the neighborhood has gotten pretty rough as well, so newer retail outlets that have actually bothered to rework their buildings haven't done the neighborhood any favors in terms of aesthetics. The venerable Artimus Mangilord is a huge fan of Compton Mart. My feelings are mixed at best.

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The neighborhood's a peach, but the real treasures lie within the store itself, as I'm sure you'll agree.

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You know you're in a good thrift store when there's some utterly random household object on their shelves that is both over 30 years old and still in its original packaging. My old favorite thrift store (the Salvation Army on Josephine and Colfax) used to be NOTORIOUS for this, but then it closed down earlier this year. Naturally, I was crushed, but this enormous panda bear cake mold did much today to dry up those woeful tears for good. Unfortunately, I couldn't justify buying it. I'm just not much of a baker, nor am I all that much of a panda enthusiast.

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Of course, this car-shaped picture frame was a totally different matter. I would've bought this thing 18 times over if I had the chance, and that's even if the stock photography inside the car didn't match the pictures on the box. Oh, but it DID my friends, it DID!

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My apologies to whichever one of my friends gets married next. This hideous, semi-transparent car will be part of your wedding gift, and there's nothing you nor I can do to change that.

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Decided against it.

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Framed Star Trek "Romulan Encounter" magic eye poster. Imagined the oft-referenced Angwart Schmidt Borlovsky (an avid gamer and semi-closeted Next Generation enthusiast) staring at it for hours on end, then once again decided against it. Neither he nor I needs to expose ourselves to that kind of trauma.

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Funny, that's exactly the image that pops to mind for me when I think of Wyoming.

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You can tell from the facial expression. This poor bird isn't holding that candle, it was stabbed by it.

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I've been buying up a fair amount of 45's recently, as I've found the record jackets make great decorations for envelope-housed gifts and other mailable stuff. I'll get a picture up next time I have occasion to decorate such a thing.

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I don't usually focus much on clothes here on Rubbish (that'll probably be changing in the coming months as I'm getting really into sewing, so prepare yourselves to be bored to tears) but these were two sincerely quality finds. I'm not much of a sweater guy, but that alpaca V-neck from "Lord Jeff" has got to be at least 35 years old, and as for the necktie... well, I don't know who GAF is, but I like the utterly random placement of their branding messages a whole lot. Win/win.

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This is THE ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life. I love it. I'm sincerely glad I don't own it, but sweet mother of mercy do I ever love it.

These next few items require a little explanation: The McHanslaw family's new cabin in Bailey came equipped with a TV and a VCR that we've opted to keep in case we ever get snowed in up there, so I've decided to start stockpiling horrible VHS cassettes to make sure that our cabin fever gets extra terrifying should that unwanted opportunity ever arrive. Prior to today, my only film selection was a copy of Fantastic Planet that I purchased shortly after graduating from college. But after today?

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Robocop 2. Yes!

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Chairman of the Board. Double yes!

Note: A part of me has always wanted to watch this undoubtedly horrendous Carrot Top vehicle for at least 10 years now, as it unwittingly spawned what is without a doubt the greatest 7 minutes and 30 seconds in the modern history of late night television... it really picks up around the 5 minute mark.

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I decided against buying this copy of First Kid staring famed University of Denver Alumnus Sinbad, as I hate those giant Disney clamshell VHS cases.

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But you'd better believe I bought THIS copy of First Kid. Heck yes! DU Pioneers represent!!!!

Could we see that bird again?

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I gotta tell you, folks... me and this feces bird, we've got some kind of a thing going on here. I don't think I'm ever gonna get tired of looking at this thing, and I don't have a problem with that at all. Not one single, solitary bit.

Alright, I think that's enough drivel for tonight. But when will I post on Rubbish again? Tomorrow? Almost certainly not, but I definitely feel like I'm riding a creative hot streak right now (the magnitude of which is probably poorly reflected by the underhanded anti-zingers I've been dropping on these posts), and I'm going to try to keep it rolling indefinitely. We'll see how it goes.

Feels good to be back, though. Yessir, it most certainly does!

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