Thursday, September 4, 2008


Poorly of course, but hey... they did get served. That's gotta be worth something, right?

A lesser man might take this opportunity to craft an exceptionally obvious "You Got Served" joke. I am not a lesser man, but I do have a propensity towards taking the easy way out of almost any situation I'm presented with, so here's my joke on the subject of that film: You Got Served was fucking terrible.


Anyway, at some point during the past 36 hours the always reliable Good Rubbish hit counter ticked its way over the 10,000 visitor mark, a momentous occasion that did much to warm the innermost cockles of my cold, shriveled heart. And by "heart" I actually mean "colon." Heaven help me, I really need money for surgery.

It should probably be noted that my hit counter records every time any page on here is visited, so at least in theory I could have just been sitting here for the past few weeks refreshing the home page over and over again to achieve this astonishing numerical accomplishment, but let's not kid ourselves here folks, it's not like I've got enough spare time to do something like that.

::awkward silence::

Regardless, I am quite grateful to all of you fine folks that stop by from time to time to bask in the inconsistent glow of my intermittantly divine and dreadful prose. I thank you kindly, sirs and madames, and please rest assured that I do appreciate your company on here.

By now you may be wondering whether I'm going anywhere of merit with this post, and let me be the first to assure you that I most certainly am not. I've been listening to speeches from the Republican National Convention all week, and as such my brain is currently functioning at about 4% of its normal capacity, so all I can really muster is a rambling, aimless, worthless quasi-diatribe much like the one you're currently reading.

That said, I have come away from the convention with some worthwhile realizations, so I'll share those with you now:

1. Executive experience is far more valuable than valid experience. As such, when I run for president in 2036 I'll be assigning the night manager from my neighborhood Arby's as my VP.

2. The stories of Sarah Palin's alleged hotness have been blown WAY out of proportion. Yeah, she's not actively bad looking, but for God's sake people, do we really need to act like the nation is nursing some sort of collective hard on over this woman? She looks like every soccer mom the Colorado suburbs have ever produced - certainly adequate, but in no way thrilling.

3. She's also arrogant as all hell and I'd trust her about as far as I can throw one of Margaret Cho's thighs. There, I'm done with Sarah Palin. No more.

4. I heard she eats babies though. Not saying it's true, just saying I heard it.

5. If the 2008 version of John McCain represents change, than I represent the American Association of Men with 40 Foot Long Cocks.

6. The following three videos should be watched by one and all, as they are as delicious as they are delectible (and yes, I really am that much of an idiot - apparently I'm entirely incapable of embedding anything that isn't based on youtube).

Barack Obama: He Completes Us

Grizzled Old Man Steals John McCain's Thunder

And seriously, if you haven't already seen this beauty, you really should:

The Sarah Palin Gender Card

God bless you, God bless Good Rubbish, and God Bless America.

1 comment:

Jouda Mann said...

So I'm sure that when you posted this week's submission, you knew that I would be weighing in. And so it begins.
It seems there's a lot of cock sucking going on in Republican Washington. Larry Craig sucks cock, Ted Haggard, former leader of the National Association of Evangelicals and founder of the Association of Life-Giving Churches sucks cock, I'm questioning how the Brunette Barbie could have gotten into McCain's back pocket without sucking cock, and it's a pretty safe bet that her daughter sucks cock. And who can blame her? In a place where the sun goes dark for 90 days of the year, you gotta do what you can to survive.
Oh wait, Shawn, you shouldn't talk about Bristol. It's not right. It's a family matter. That's between Bristol and her Mom and Dad.
Let's get something straight: when anyone has the audacity to think that they can lead a country of 300 million people, with the largest economy in the world, which has more military presence in the world than anyone, and which is the founder of such world organizations as the United Nations and the Red Cross, everything about you is on the table.
I want to scrape the hand of the guy whose hand you just shook, so I can check your DNA. I want to know what color you shit every day for the last year, and every day for the next four years, if you win. If I had my way, you would have a cameraman follow you around like it's a four-year episode of Survivor, and your every move would be documented for posterity. Have you seen what they did on Survivor? At one point, a woman is taking a shit on a beach, and she looks at the cameraman and says "How many times have you filmed me taking a shit?" Without breaking for even a second, he held up three fingers. THAT'S the kind of transparency we need in the White House.
Sure, when you go into a room full of world leaders, and it needs to be kept secret, the cameraman gets a coffee break. But as soon as you come out, you're on camera again, so that when you fuck up, any one or even ALL of your 300 million bosses can call you on it.
Back on subject, that's why her daughter is on the table. If you don't like it, fuck you. Get someone else to be your next possible President.
The whole subject of her daughter is indicative of the hypocrisy that plagues the Republican Party. Cheney believes homosexuality is wrong, but his daughter is gay. Ted Haggard believed that homosexuality is an abomination, until he got caught looking for a dick to suck, and then he's just a victim of a illness. It seems the same with Larry Craig. The same hypocrisy is illustrated in the Daily Show clip that's shown in the original post. Sarah's being persecuted for being a woman, but Hillary was just whining. Tim Caine doesn't have the executive experience because his Mayoral city is so small, but Sarah, who was Mayor of a city of 9000, and a governor of a state whose population is less than a million, has JUST enough experience. When any other teen is pregnant, it's the parent's fault, because they have so " little control over her". But when Bristol is pregnant, it's a family matter.
"It's wrong unless we do it".
What a load of shit.
When you think you can lead my country, bring some credentials. And get ready for the microscope, because I'm looking at your fucking DNA.
And for those of you who think that even though it's on the table, you shouldn't talk about it, because it's crass and rude: fuck you most of all.
My Constitution, Bill of Rights, and Declaration of Independence give me the right to offend you, in any way that doesn't harm you or your family, in any social setting.
And the greatest thing about this country is that YOUR Constitution, Bill of Rights, and Declaration of Independence give you the VERY SAME RIGHTS.
Well, I'll get off the soap box now. Have a good day, everyone.