Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I HAVE BEEN FELLED BY THE GOBSTOPPER VIRUS

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You know how most people get cold/flu bugs that knock them completely on their ass for 3 to 10 days, but then they get better and everything goes back to normal? Yeah, well unfortunately my immune system showcases little interest in such conventional ailments, for it appears that I have instead contracted the dreaded Everlasting Gobstopper Virus, a rare disease that brings about relatively mild but extremely annoying symptoms for weeks on end and is (presumably) spread by prolonged exposure to make out sessions with 30 foot tall blond Scandinavian women. All things considered, I suppose it was only a matter of time before I contracted this vile parasite...

In all honesty, I can't get a bead on what my immune system is doing right now. Three weeks ago I was hacking up more lung butter than Phyllis Diller, then my lungs cleared up but my stomach was tied in knots, then my stomach got its act together but my sinuses got clogged, then my sinuses unclogged but I lost every ounce of energy in my dilapidated jalopy of a body. In short, every time I seem to rid myself of one layer of crap another one immediately shows up, hence the "Gobstopper Virus" title. God only knows what specific ailment I've got in my system right now... all I know is that my joints hurt like the dickens and I've been farting out something that smells like an ash bin at a hotdog crematorium for the past 18 hours, despite the fact that I probably haven't eaten a hotdog in about 2 years.

Quick question: If you were a hotdog, wouldja eat yourself? Well... woudja?

Anyway, I've made certain that nothing serious is going on, and my symptoms have never been bad enough that I've had to (or had good reason to) miss work, but they've been pronounced enough that I'm completely wiped when I get back home at the end of the day, leading me to consider working on Good Rubbish projects for about 3/10ths of a second before opting to instead take a nap or snort lines of echinacea out of a hollowed avocado shell. This is a big part of the reason that my production has been so dreadful in recent weeks (bigger part of the reason: laziness, but you were already well aware of that), but I assure you folks that I do have some really good stuff in the works right now (including a couple more grand-scale speaker projects, if you're into that kind of thing), I just need to get my feet back under me before I can wrap them shits up.

I can guarantee you of this right now: Next week I will have some sort of project up on here, though its scale and overall deliciousness is going to be contingent upon how much energy I can scrounge up over the next 5 days or so. Here's hoping it goes well... also, here's hoping that growth on your leg is benign.

That is all.

2 comments:

Kapprika said...

Oh, I feel so sorry for you. I know how it is to be affected by everchanging weird aches and symptoms. I hope you'll get better soon and don't stress yourself too much to finish something for your blog. (That doesn't mean I don't love your blog. It's great!)

Father Rhyme said...

I appreciate your concern Kapprika, and please rest assured that I'm on the mend as we speak (not fully mended just yet, but getting there). Also, please accept my gratitude for the masterful manner in which you seasoned the cut of beef I ate last night.

Wait, no... that was paprika. Mmm... that paprika, she's a siren of the spice rack I tells ya.

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