EBAY SUCCESS REDEFINED.

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The following information has only been shared with a precious few of my most trusted associates and allies, but my basement dwelling within the McHanslaw manor has fallen victim to a flood for the third time in as many years, and as a result I've decided it's finally time to extricate myself from this rent-free near-windowless laminate forest and trade it in for some sort of lease-based "apartment" type dwelling that I (hopefully) won't share with two 60some year old roommates.

Of course, they'll probably go down as the best roommates I ever had, but that's sort of beside the point.

This impending move has warped my spend-thrifty ways into downright miserliness, so when I needed a new jigsaw for the purpose of creating an ornate headboard for a bed frame I'll be building sometime soon (more on that later... like, probably months from now later), I didn't go to Home Despot. Nay, I didn't even go to Amazon. I went to eBay.

Normally I don't take the cheap route on tools - be they electronic or not - as a tool is something I plan to have for a LONG time when I buy it, but I really didn't have the coin available to buy a Bosch machine, or my dream jigsaw from Milwaukee, so instead of getting some middle of the road "adequate but generally unspectacular" machine, I opted to get a bargain basement "wholly unspectacular but generally reliable" unit. In this price range, Black and Decker and Skil are the only brands I found worth looking into, so I tracked a few auctions and put in ridiculously lowball bids on them in the hopes that one of them might pan out.

Then one did. A Black and Decker. A brand new one. For a whopping $1.29 winning bid ($11.18 after shipping).

This was well below the normal closing price for identical saws, so I was somewhat befuddled as to what had gone on here, especially since the auction closed on a Sunday afternoon (word to the wise: If you want top dollar for crap you're selling on eBay, list it to close on Saturday or Sunday, the prices almost always get pumped up on the weekends). But then I took a second listing at the auction, and it all became clear to me. Well... the "why I got it for 11 bucks" part of it, anyway:

Let's go in for a closer look at that little guy, shall we?

"Oh, no wonder," I thought. "I won a jizsaw. That's not what I needed at all."

Oh well, I paid for the item anyway. Hopefully the item I eventually receive will turn out to be a normal jigsaw that just fell victim to a typo (albeit a typo that the auction author exercised TWICE in his listing), and failing that hopefully the item won't give me nightmares or VD.

Then again, there's a lot of guys out there that've paid a heck of a lot more for VD than $11 after shipping, so I guess I'll be coming out ahead either way.

There's no way to write that last sentence without loading it full of unintentional innuendo. You have my apologies.

ADVENTURES IN PROCUREMENT

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As a frequent reader of this blog, you've probably noticed that a disturbing trend is emerging in the world of Rubbish, as two of my previous two posts have developed under the inspiration of "look at this great material excess I bought!" sentiments.

First off, allow me to assuage your concerns by informing you that this blog has never, and will never become a blog focussed exclusively - or even primarily - upon the act of buying things that are neat, interesting, and/or catastrophically spectacular. The purpose of Good Rubbish has been and will always be to showcase the stuff that I've turned into crap, or vice-versa. The previous two posts were merely an aberration.

Secondly, what follows will be my third of three consecutive posts centered around neat stuff that I bought. Without further ado...

The holiday season is upon us once again, and the world of Rubbish is not immune to its excess, my friends. Oh no, it most certainly is not.

This is what Sears looks like at 9am on Black Friday. How would I know? Because I was there.

Take note of the complete and utter lack of shoppers, and then take note of the fact that, once again, this was taken at roughly 9am on Black Friday, the single busiest shopping day of the year. Hey Sears! Get it through your astoundingly thick skull, no one buys clothes from you anymore! Furthermore, NO ONE is going to buy an engagement band from your jewelry department!!! QUIT BEING SO IMMENSELY OBTUSE! JUST CLOSE THE TOP 3 FLOORS OF YOUR RIDICULOUS DEPARTMENT STORE AND SELL TOOLS, APPLIANCES, AND HOUSEWARES EXCLUSIVELY!!! IT'S YOUR ONLY REMAINING CHANCE TO RETURN TO A STATE OF SOLVENCY!!!

Sorry, that may have been a bit out of hand, but Sears frustrates me. Best tools money can buy in the worst run corporation money can't fix. Ridiculous.

That said, they did have some smokin' deals (and lots of elbowroom, but there's probably no further need to beat that already beaten dead horse) on Black Friday, so I picked up a few goodies for my war chest.

This 200 piece socket set was marked down 50% and comes with the Craftsman lifetime warranty (which I'm really hoping some other company chooses to honor after Sears inevitably goes belly up within the next 10 years). Took a pretty big chunk out of my checking account, but I think it's worth it. Barring theft, this should be the last socket set I'll ever buy.

I also got this big rolling tool chest, which is something I've always wanted to have, for 50% off as well. I would have loved to put my new socket set inside one of the drawers, but unfortunately I lack the necessary living space to actually use this tool chest for its intended purpose right now, so I'll be using it as a dresser/bureau until the time arrives where I actually have some sort of tool-holding workspace.

See? Tube socks. Pajamas. Bureau.

I had another absolutely epic thrifting run about a week ago, which netted me a number of wonderful treasures, but without a doubt the treasure-ey-est treasure of the bunch was this 1950's or 60's era Health-O-Meter bathroom scale, which only set me back 15 bucks and (somewhat surprisingly) TOTALLY works and is TOTALLY accurate:

How did this marvelous and ludicrously heavy thing end up in a crummy thrift store? I have absolutely no idea, but I'm thankful it did. Similar to the socket set, I don't picture myself buying another bathroom scale any time soon.

Goodness... so much personality.

Also, and in conclusion, my months long search for a sewing machine to call my own has finally (or at least hopefully) come to an end. This was quite the epic journey, as I'd settled on the sewing machine that I wanted to get some time ago (a Janome TB12 Threadbanger edition unit), but the machine was discontinued by the time I'd saved up enough money to actually purchase it. As a result, I had to go digging around for another machine that had as many of the TB12's qualities as possible:

- Metal casing

- Simple, straight-forward design and functionality

- Doesn't look like a bulbous, uninteresting pile of dogshit

Those don't sound like the makings of a very tall order, but let me tell you friends, they really are.

First off, since everything nowadays is made to fall apart about 3 and 1/2 weeks after its already meager warranty expires, no one makes much of anything out of metal anymore. Janome up until fairly recently had several sewing machines with metal casings, but as far as I was able to find ALL of them have been discontinued and replaced with plastic-surrounded models. Blugh.

Also, and this isn't the case with all manufacturers, but most companies seem to want as many selling points as possible for their plastic-lined crap, so they don't come out with sewing machines that sell under the heading of "it only does 3 things, but it does those 3 things really well and will continue to do them until the end of time if you maintain it properly" anymore. Double blugh.

And finally, almost all consumer-marketed sewing machines look like this, this, or this. Or, to put it more bluntly, almost all consumer-marketed sewing machines look like bulbous, uninteresting piles of our collective beige-toned corporate oligarchy of a future. Blugh city.

After doing some very frustrating research on the new model sewing machines available on the market, I ultimately decided to buy an older sewing machine - one from an era of time when important stuff wasn't made out of crummy crud.

Following several failed auction attempts on eBay, I ultimately won an auction for a Husqvarna Viking Classica 105. It was a bit of a leap at $120 after shipping, but it's a very high quality machine and it DOES work (though we'll see how marvelous of condition it's in for certain once I get it in to someone to have it tuned up). She's sort of pretty though, ain't she? At least in a utilitarian, Swedish sort of way...

And hey, it came in its original box, so that's a good thing, right?

And it came with this sparkley sticker commemorating Husqvarna's 300 year anniversary as a company (1689-1989... yeah, this machine's a little old). That's what we in the biz call a "Major Enron Selling Point."

Anyway, had I stumbled across it beforehand I might have given some through to this new Singer sewing machine, which to its credit isn't excruciatingly ugly and isn't made out of plastic exclusively (though there's apparently still a lot of plastic on it), but considering the $200 difference in price I feel pretty good about my purchase. Hopefully I'll feel REALLY good about it once I get it in to a sewing machine mechanic person who actually knows what the heck they're talking about.

I shall surely keep you posted. Adios!

AWESOME EBAY PURCHASE OF THE WEEK - BASEWARS

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A new post classification emerges today in the desolate landscape of this once proud blog, my "Awesome eBay Purchase of the Week."

Why, you ask? Because for every one project I complete I probably buy 30 bizarre trinkets on eBay, and because writing a post about buying something takes about 2% as much thought and effort as writing a post about making something. Really, when you think about it, I had no other choice but to expand my precious world of Rubbish into even more banal realms of banality. Evolve or die, they say, and I'm just not ready for this blog to be dead yet.

Close maybe, but not yet.

Without further adieu, the brass tacks:

ITEM: Original copy of Base Wars for the Nintendo Entertainment System, IN its original box, WITH its original instructions and all included psuedo-Konami paraphernalia.

PRICE PAID: $5.25 after shipping.

BARGAIN QUOTIENT: Out of this goddamn world!

It's a beautiful day for a brawl game!

$23.4 billion a year for a .250 hitter? Baseball salaries in the 24th century have rocketed through the O-Zone! And team owners are rebelling. They've replaced these greedy players with mighty robots programmed for punishment. The result is Base Wars - a bizarre cross between baseball and gladatorial combat. Its heroes are an awesome array of mutant machines. Metallic he-monsters resembling men, half-ton tanks and unidentified fielding objects. But forget about good sportsmanship in the Cyber League. Because in Base Wars winning isn't everything, it's the only things. And these mega horse power sultans of swat are armed to the circuits with enough laser swords, fire guns, and ammunition to spark interplanetary war.

All the elements of baseball are here - pitching, hitting, fielding, and base running. Plus a brutal bonus: One-on-one battle royales for base possession.

Choose and name the teams, set the robot rosters, and start swinging the lumber, Jack. Knock heads with another player or test your metal against the Nintendo Entertainment System. Play single games or set up a league pennant race with up to 10 games. Use the money you earn for victories to make repairs and stock up on every unfair advantage known to mechanical man. Including hyper engines, ultra shoulders, iron gloves, and more. And show no mercy.

Because if you aren't as tough as steel, you'll never make it to the World Domination Series.

The preceding text is what is written, word for word, on the back of the box for Base Wars. I'd tell you how awesome this game is, but after reading that, you already know. Furthermore, I'd tell you what a sentence fragment is, but after reading that.

And when I said this game came with everything, I mean it came with EVERYTHING!

Display box, instruction manual, game cartridge, and the ever-popular nondescript cartridge dust sleeve...

Promotional poster for Rollergames, Mission Impossible, Snake's Revenge, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the single most frustrating game in the history of me throwing controllers at my television), and the dreadfully under-appreciated Ski or Die. I'd make a joke about one of the Kennedy's here but I'm pretty sure I'm not in line for hell right at this instant and I'd just assume keep it that way...

And, of course, a "send in and win" registration card for the Ultra Software Corporation, a subsidiary of the Konami Company (feel free to read the details here if you really give a shit) that apparently used to reside at P.O. Box 11210 in Chicago, Illinois, zip code 60611-0210.

Mailing to an actual street address instead of a P.O. Box would have made the whole experience a lot more enjoyable, but you can rest assured that I solicited a decent amount of pleasure out of filling out and returning that product registration card. And fear not, I shall keep you posted with any new developments related to this aspect of the purchase, particularly if returning this card miraculously results in my receiving a free copy of John Elway's Quarterback.

As for Base Wars itself, the game is only slightly less entertaining now than it was when I used to rent it as a child. As such, on a scale of one to awesome, I'd rate it a ridiculous.