I HAVE BEEN COMMISSIONED - CALL ME THE COMMISH.

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Editor's note: This version of The Commish will not star Michael Chiklis, nor will it be ludicrously boring. As such, it should not be confused with the early 90's crime dramady of the same name.

Well friends and neighbors, this fine blog has brought me my first bout of unexpected financial windfall, as I was commissioned to do a speaker modification project this past week by my older brother Artemis Schmidt Borlovsky. It seems that he was quite taken with my speaker media cabinet project, and wished to have a set for use in his den. I obliged, as I am occasionally a great and amicable man.

I've already laid out a bunch of speaker modification projects on here, so I'll spare you the "how to" advice on this one and just show you some purty pictures of what I done did. I done did good.



I found this pair of Technics SB-2560 speakers on craigslist for the modest price of $25 - a pittance considering the fact that they really had no aesthetic damage to speak of (though they were dusty as all hell).

They came with two detachable speaker stands which you can see protruding from the bottom of each cabinet. These served the dual purpose of making the speakers look better AND encouraging the speakers to tip over anytime they were leaned on, bumped into, or breathed upon. A nice touch, if you ask me.

Presenting step 2: Choppin' off some doors.



Good choppin. After that I sanded the inside of the cabinets, and put in some square wooden rods along the outer walls to hold up my shelves. I also ran some carriage bolts through the speaker cabinets and the speaker stands to decrease their staggering wobbliness quotient.



Here's a top down look of one of the speakers, so you can see the shelf brackets and bolt heads a little better:



On most speaker cabinets that I've encountered, the screws that hold the actual speakers in place have run deeper than the panel that they're screwed into, which means that a small army of pointy metal objects has highlighted the back side of my media cabinet doors. While this would be exceptionally handy if I were planning to use these cabinets as weapons, it's a fairly large annoyance considering that I just wanted to store DVDs and whatnot inside of them.

I thought about using my rotary tool to slice off these rogue ends (a hacksaw would have taken about 9 hours), but cutting metal with a rotary tool creates an incredible amount of sparks. Considering my luck, I'm pretty sure those sparks would have had a 99.9999% chance of either burning down my house or rendering me incapable of siring children, so I just took some JB Waterweld and molded little moguls of epoxy putty around the screws, which created a kind of cool visual effect once everything was painted:



After dropping my shelves into place, I laid on a couple coats of semigloss paint, and then called it good. And by "called it good" I actually mean "watched countless hours of pornography on the internet". It's moments like this that make me glad my mother has been informed of this blog's existence. Hi mom!



Wham!



KAZAAM!!

To close things out, I'd like to commend the fine people at Technics for producing an incredibly sturdy speaker. In all honesty, every step of this project was an exceptional pain in the ass compared to what I'd become used to with my earlier endeavors. The glue they used to keep their cabinets' panels together was rigid, an absolute chore to saw through, and in some cases just plain impossible to remove. It took me about 30 minutes a piece to get the magnets off of the back of their speakers, compared to the 15 seconds it took me to disassemble the Fischer speakers. Put simply, if the apocalypse came tomorrow only three things would survive: Cockroaches, these speakers, and Charles Bronson's genitals. Good show Technics, good show.

By the way, if any of you fine folks would like to hire me to do a project, or if you just want to pick my brain on something you're working on, feel free to email me at goodrubbish@gmail.com

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